No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
