it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
