Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
