I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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