Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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