gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
