what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
