I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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