Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
