LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
