my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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