kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
