Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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