and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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