Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
