Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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