i would punch a child for taco bell
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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