she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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