I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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