im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
