I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
