the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
