I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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