ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wannas sexs uuuuu
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
