why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
