I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
