DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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