i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize