Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
