she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this boner is exhausting
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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