Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
