i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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