he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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