im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
