i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
