I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
