you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
