just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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