Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
