You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize