I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
