Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
