quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
