Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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