Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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