420 ftw
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
