last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
