I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
