I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
