He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
