this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
