Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
