garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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