I just threw up on my dentist
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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