It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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