Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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