the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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