Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize