Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
