she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
