she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
