I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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