remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
