theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
