Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
