Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.