respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece