im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.