I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches