On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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