hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
