i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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