I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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