Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
