We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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