awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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