you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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