hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
