Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
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I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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