Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
