So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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