my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
