Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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