...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
